And she felt something touch her.
Something that had been just ever so slightly out of her grasp for years of her life.
Something so precious and important that she needed it.
Something that ignited the flame within in her, giving light to passions which were left burnt out in the past.
Something so warm and fulfilling that she lusted after it daily.
Something that made her personality soar into who she really was.
It was happiness. After years of waiting, of trying different things; she was finally happy. And it made all the difference.
She gripped his hand, and she felt his heart beat along with hers.
He was her rock.
When she crumbled she would fall into his arms.
When she was happy she kissed his forehead.
She was in love, pure and simple.
It was the ups and it was the downs
And all the fuck-arounds.
It was these swings that broke her.
Sometimes the disorders felt like they could damn well choke her.
And choke her they did, as well as blur her mind.
However she kept going on, for the love of the kind.
And something dwelled within her. Something unknown to her entirely.
It was like a world of feelings; all mixed up and swirling together in her mind and in her heart.
Sometimes, it hurt. Sometimes, it made her feel fuzzy. Sometimes, it made her slightly happy. But she didn’t know what it was.
Perhaps it was grief that had her in this state. Or maybe it was suffering for so long in silence.
No one could tell her, that was something she had to work out for herself.
Get your freak on.
Be who you really are and want to be.
Let your freak flag fly.
Act however you please, even if it isn’t the norm.
Stop feeling bad about being a freak.
No one ever speaks of those who live a dull life, not being themselves.
Embrace your inner freak.
In times of darkness, love is what gets me through. I have plenty of love in my life. A great relationship with my family, partner and also friends. But I also have something else: self love.
I have found that loving myself is just as, if not, more important than having the love of others.
When it comes down to it – you are the most important in your own life. So if you don’t appreciate yourself, then who else will?
In saying that, I will note how hard it is to love yourself during times of depression. But it can be done. Here’s some tips I use to love myself:
Focus on what makes you, you. Learn about yourself. Study everything. You’ll find that you’re probably a lot better of a person that you believe in the dark times.
Love your flaws. Accept them as your own unique traits that make you more beautiful.
Treat yourself to something that makes you feel good about yourself. It could range from bath bombs to a new outfit. Whatever makes you happy, just treat yourself.
Take a selfie when you feel good. This may sound stupid, but I find selfies to actually be quite therapeutic in a way. To look upon your face when you are feeling good at a bad times shows you how beautiful you can be. Which in turn, would make you strive to be like that again.
Spread your love. Drop the L bomb as frequently as possible. Tell people you appreciate them and their company or kind words and general presence. Give out hugs and good manners like it’s going out of fashion.
All of this together can help you to appreciate your own presence a little more, which hopefully will lead to loving and supporting yourself.
Today I took my first antidepressant in years (Zoloft). Most of the SSRI’s that I had tried in the past caused problems for me due to nasty side effects, but I’m hoping that will not be the case this time. So far I’m feeling quite irritable and sleepy. More fuzzy in the brain – but that was to be expected. Always happens when I begin new medication. The only major issue I’m having is the fact that I can’t take my chronic pain medication anymore, as there is a risk of serotonin syndrome when interacting with Zoloft. So I am in a world of pain from endometriosis and not feeling so great physically.
I just hope that this is the right medication combination for me and i can find some inner peace.