Monthly Archives: February 2016

By Myself

No matter how much I love you, 

and you love me,

the truth is you’ll never be able to save me.

Of course,

you can lend me a helping hand,

a shoulder to cry on,

and I can’t express how much that means to me. 

But I’m a very complex, 

and not to mention,

shattered,

shell of a human. 

The only way I’ll get through this,

is by myself. 

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Crossing Over

And she had seemed to cross over,

into a grim world,

in which she was dead inside.

By dead inside, 

I mean, 

she felt nothing.

And there isn’t much worse than not being able to feel at all. 

Thoughts popped into her mind, 

about how bleak this life was, 

and how she was beginning to believe that she’d be better off,

hurting. 

Not a tear would drop from her eyes,

even though it was all she wanted.

The release of crying was something she yearned for, 

but it was ever-so out of her reach. 

She wanted to cross back into the world of happiness and glee, 

or at least any world that did make her want to hurt – just to feel. 


Life Is Worth Living

And she knew in the deepest part of her little heart,

that life was worth living.

Despite the emotional torment of the past,

 and the ups and downs of her messy life. 

Sometimes she wanted to disappear.

And occasionally she wanted to hurt herself, 

just so she could feel something. 

Although she was completely and utterly numb, 

and partially broken,

she kept going.

When she took into account all the good, 

against all the bad, 

her perspective changed – 

and it was in those moments that she remembered, 

life is worth living. 


Why Did You Have To Go And Do That? 

Why did you have to go and do that? 

Why did you have to go and steal my dignity?

Why did you have to go and make me lose my mind?

Why did you have to go and do that? 

Why did you have to take advantage of me?

Why did you have to crush my spirits entirely? 

Why did you have to go and do that?

Now I’m all messed up, there’s nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, when the flashbacks of you come. 

Why did you have to go and do that? 


Shook Up

She was all shook up,

with thoughts of the past,

sticking around in her mind.

These were not good thoughts,

quite the opposite, in fact.

These were flashbacks that stopped her in her tracks,

and riddled her with a sense of shame and guilt.

She knew what happened wasn’t her fault,

but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

She was internally screaming in pain,

and the problem with that was,

no one could see it. 


Fucked Up Little Pieces 

She didn’t know what hurt more, 

the dreadful flashbacks,

or the shame she felt inside.

She knew in her heart she shouldn’t feel ashamed of something she had no power over.

Alas, it didn’t stop the guilt, the sickening memories or her mind at all.

Her heart was broken,

into a thousand little fucked up pieces.

It was not a jigsaw type of heartbreak that could be corrected over time,

no,

this was something that would never heal;

no matter how much it hurt her inside. 


No Fucks Given 

To put it frankly, 

I’m in my own little world, 

and oh, is it blissful.

Some might call me ignorant.

They might think I lack ambition because of what my life is.

But you see,

there is not one person’s opinion in this world that truly, really matters to me. 

Sure, 

you may see what I’m doing as wasting my life,

But me? 

I know for certain that where I’m heading is good.

I’m a severely mentally ill, dream chasing creative soul. 

And I’ve got no problems with that, 

at all.