Monthly Archives: September 2016

Reasons To Live

It’s the glimmers of light through the storm cloud,

and the smiles from strangers.

The warmth of a loved ones hug,

and the smell of fresh flowers. 

It’s the feeling of true love,

and the idea that things will get better.

These are the things that keep my heart beating and my mind working and my soul warm. 

Focus on the little things and you may find that you awaken your inner being like never before. You find your purpose and achieve what you have set out to do in life. The conscious being is one who can see both the good and bad in life, but still prosper. 


In Hell 

What’s another sleepless night..

in hell?

What’s another day living like this..

in my shell?

What’s another meaningless fight..

in hell?

What’s another kick..

when I’ve already fell? 

What’s another thought of never breathing again..

in hell? 

What’s a lifetime with mental illness?

Only time will tell. 


Paranoia 

The paranoia takes over.

And all of a sudden, everyone’s the enemy. 

You feel uncertain and unstable, among numerous other things.

You find your thoughts wandering to places you hate, that are really just figments of your imagination. 

And everything is different when you’re in this state, because you can’t even truly trust yourself. 


Never Been Happy 

There was nothing that could be said, 

and seemingly, nothing that could be done, 

to cure the deep sadness that resonated within her. 

She had taken all approaches, at one time or another,

and this has, unfortunately, led to the realisation that she has never been happy.

There were some good days, sure, but happiness was always just slightly out of her reach. 


Perhaps 

And perhaps,

just perhaps,

one day this will all make some sort of sense to me. 

Maybe I’ll learn to cope better when everything becomes seemingly too much to handle.

Things would be different then, 

because I wouldn’t feel like I’m all alone, shouting for someone to care. 


Fuckkkkkk

Struggling to write,

trying my hardest to fight

But the words won’t come out,

and I’m filled with doubt 

Wishing things weren’t like this,

but knowing that this is life with mental illness. 


The One 

Though I know that all events are simply just random occurrences making up life, it gives me great pain to think of the one. 

By ‘the one’, I mean the one night that changed my whole life forever – changed me forever. 

There’s an ache in my diaphragm, it’s as though my heart has been broken; 

alas, not due to love, which would be much more bearable and not to mention preferable to the truth. 

No, this is an ache that will never pass. 

If only everyone else could understand that. 


What else you got? 

You know the feeling when your heart breaks from the love you first knew? And your whole world feels like it’s falling apart and there’s that awful sickening feeling? Can’t even look in the mirror, type shit. That’s the pain I feel. 

And no matter what coping mechanisms, what support systems, what medications I take – this is my life. 

And although I hurt endlessly, instead of ‘why me?’ I shall ask life, ‘what else you got?’


Random

Every single moment of our life leads to something greater. Whether it be a good or bad circumstance, moment or mindset. 

You see, nothing in this life is predetermined- every single little thing is completely random and leads us to become different people. 

But life is just that. A random sequence of events. 

We can spend our time questioning “why me?” or we can accept the fact that everything around us is ever changing, and that nothing is set in stone. 

It’s important to remember this in order to stay away from negative ways of thinking, relating to events that leave you feeling down in the dumps. 


Riptide 

Like a riptide, 

she was ferociously being pulled into the depths of depression.

It was as though she’d forgotten how to swim, 

with voices telling her to succumb to what was happening. 

And frankly, the whole experience was terrifying. 

Imagine being fine one day, swimming and riding the little waves of life, 

then suddenly, 

losing all direction, all strength, with the waves of depression becoming larger and more frightening.